I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
