It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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