Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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