If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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