I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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