I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Randomize
