She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
