Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
