I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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