At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize
