Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
