I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
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