I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
