I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
