were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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