The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
