Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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