i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
