I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
