Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
