I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Randomize
