I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
