Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Randomize
