Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
