Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
