3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
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