Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Randomize
