does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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