just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
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