She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Randomize
