I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
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