you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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