walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
