It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
