I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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