I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
