I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
