Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
