Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
