the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Come share oat with me in your robe
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
