So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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