The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
