For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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