for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
