Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Randomize
