No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
