Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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