yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
