problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize