You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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