I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
