forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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