your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
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