I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
