i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
