Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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