I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
