If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
