I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I am puke
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Randomize
