wat bout pragnant strippers??
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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