based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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