Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
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