OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
i will never coherently bang her
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
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It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
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I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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