she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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