508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
