We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I'm jealous of your bromance
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Randomize
